Ouran Shenanigans
by Kita42
Summary: Ouran Academy; a great place to house a great deal of school-age anime students. Presenting a high school, college, and teacher AU with far too many characters. Hetalians teaching at Ouran, Yusei facing off the Akatsuki motorcycle gang, Sebastian running a restaurant... Confusion abounds. Hopefully you'll get a few laughs out of it too. Most likely permanently in-progress.


Author's Note: Before we start, this contains YGOTAS characterisations. Just letting you know now.

* * *

"Yusei!" said the irritating, chirpy voice of Yusei's younger brother. True to form, Yusei pulled the pillow over his head, trying desperately to ignore him.

"Yusei…"

The voice was closer now, whispering. Hissing, more like it. Yusei pulled the pillow down enough to glare at the little git.

"What, Jaden?"

"You said you'd drive me to school today! Remember, they're doing training for the duelling tournament tomorrow and…"

"I don't see what's so important about a children's card game!"

"Come on Yusei, you used to play when you were in middle school!"

"I am _trying_ to forget about that."

"You could start again, you know. Maybe if you tried going through the tactics again while you're on the bike…"

"Don't be stupid, Jaden…" He rolled his eyes, then stared at his younger brother. Jaden continued to stare right back at Yusei, who was slowly realising that he wasn't going to be allowed to sleep in.

"When do we have to leave again?"

Jaden grinned. "Ten minutes," he said, leaving Yusei's room as soon as he'd acquired 'confirmation' that his brother was still driving him, "Don't go back to sleep!"

Yusei groaned angrily and pulled the pillow back over his face. God dammit, why did his younger brother have to be so infuriating?

* * *

The shrill noise of Yami's phone made him want to break it into a million tiny pieces. Instead, he reached over and flicked the phone to answer it.

"Yami Mutou speaking."

All that came out of the phone was a muffled grumble with some more pronounced angry noises. Yami took the time to blink until he could see and check the caller ID before chuckling.

"Yusei, move your face away from the pillow, then you can tell me what Jaden did to piss you off this time."

"I thought part time college students were allowed to _sleep in_ on Thursday mornings. Not to mention all other mornings."

Yami chuckled. "What is it this time?"

"Two words. Duel. Fucking. Monsters."

"You do realise that's three words, don't you?"

"You figure out the important ones."

Yami laughed. "Take him to school, go back home and crash again. Come on, your first class is at what, three?"

Yami's cousin grumbled agreement before hanging up. Yami looked at the clock.

Ah. 7.29. Meaning that in precisely one minute…

The floor beneath him rattled and something crashed against a wall.

Of course. Bakura was awake.

* * *

Bakura hated mornings. Of course he didn't much care for afternoons either, and evenings were just a warm up to his favourite time of the day; night.

He'd intentionally bought himself a shockproof alarm years ago, realising that if he didn't, he'd have spent an awful lot of money replacing them after hurling them against his wall in fury.

However, being awake meant that he'd better start getting ready for school. He haphazardly slipped on the school uniform, leaving his shoelaces untied and tie undone, before walking out of his room in search of breakfast.

He ignored Marik, who was participating in his latest obsession, doing star jumps in front of their television.

"Morning, Bakura!" called Marik (with far too much enthusiasm for this time of the day, as far as Bakura was concerned) as Bakura reached for a box of cereal. Honestly, he'd rather have had a bacon sandwich, but he had neither the time, the energy, nor (apparently) the bacon.

He was staring into the bowl, wishing a cruel death upon it, when he finally heard the Japanese pop music blaring. "Marik, would you turn the bloody music down!?" he shouted.

"What's that, fluffy?" Marik replied, "You like the music? Of course I'll turn it up!" A quick press of the remote and satan himself could probably hear the music.

Bakura started thinking of more imaginative, cruel deaths for his cornflakes. Surely this hell wasn't worth the reduction in rent from sharing an apartment. Right?

* * *

Ciel was staring at the ceiling.

To be fair, he'd been awake for a while. But it was the principle of the matter, honestly. Surely his neighbours weren't permitted to play music this loudly, regardless of the time.

He stepped out of bed and into his slippers, yawning. He could smell breakfast.

"Good morning, Ciel," said Sebastian, carefully monitoring a pot of poaching eggs on the stove, "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, until our blasted neighbours decided that 7.30am dance music was a good idea. Honestly, haven't you spoken to Claude about this before?" He sat at the breakfast bar.

"I'm afraid there's little to be done about Mr Ishtar and Mr Bakura," said Sebastian, draining one of the eggs, "Strictly speaking, the noise ban only exists for the late hours of the night, not the early hours of the morning." He slid the poached egg onto a piece of buttered toast and placed it in front of Ciel, before finishing off the plate with a few roasted tomato halves.

"Still," said Ciel, picking up a knife and fork and starting to eat. He was halfway through his breakfast when he remembered something rather important.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes, Ciel?"

"Whatever happened to that red-headed fellow? The one who…"

"Bassy!"

The door to the spare bedroom of their apartment opened and hit the wall with a resounding crash. Ciel stared resolutely into the kitchen wall, sipping his tea. Sebastian's eyes narrowed minutely.

"Grell, how many times have I told you that it's _Sebastian_, not that infernal nickname you insist on using?"

"Oh, come now, Bassy," said Grell, sitting beside Ciel, who twitched slightly, "What's a cute nickname between old friends?"

"I ought to pack my homework for school," said Ciel, sliding off the breakfast bar stool and striding into his room.

"Must you act so inappropriately quite this constantly, Grell?" asked Sebastian, handing Grell his personalised breakfast. Clearly, Sebastian had already eaten.

"But I'm so out of sorts!" said Grell, switching immediately to self-pitying mode, "Oh, how my life is in shambles! Ruined, courtesy of such a minor mishap…"

"Yes, with a chainsaw," said Sebastian condescendingly, "You mentioned this when you arrived last night."

"I just need a place to stay for a while," said Grell, pleading in an excessively dramatic way, "And a new job, if you'd be ever so kind?" He fluttered his eyelashes.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I'll speak to Mr Spears," he said with a sigh, "But honestly Grell, you have to learn to behave!"

"Oh thank you, thank you!" Grell ran over and hugged Sebastian, in spite of the utterly demonic glare levelled at him.

Sebastian shoved him off delicately and picked up his phone. Will was _not_ going to like this.

* * *

"William T Spears speaking."

"Mr Spears, I apologise most profusely, but I have a request."

"Sebastian, you've been managing my restaurant perfectly for almost ten years now. I'm sure this isn't too outrageous."

"Very well. I request permission to hire a new waiter."

"I wasn't aware that we needed a new waiter…" Will raised an eyebrow, confused. "Surely you don't need my approval for that, Sebastian. You've never gone wrong with employees before."

"This particular waiter I have in mind is a tad… controversial… for a customer service position."

"Well, I'm sure you'll…" Will paused. "Is someone humming near you, Sebastian?"

"That would be the controversial waiter, Mr Spears."

The humming stuttered and morphed into an excited squeak.

"Make it work, Sebastian," said Will, and as he hung up he heard a shriek of joy emanate from the phone.

Hopefully, Sebastian knew what he was doing, thought Will as he finished tying his tie.

* * *

Haruhi assumed that the shriek that woke her belonged not to their usual neighbours, but their late-night visitor. Hopefully, she thought, this wouldn't become a regular thing. Then again, with her luck, the guy with the red hair would probably move in with them.

Picking up her phone, she disabled the alarm that would have woken her five minutes later and noted the texts. Kyoya was reminding her of some absurd Egyptian cosplay they were doing the next week. Hikaru and Kaoru had both texted her suggesting a prank they wanted to pull on Tamaki.

Tamaki's text was, as usual, indecipherable and punctuated with smiley faces.

She sighed. How did she end up with this lot again? Oh. That's right. By being a clumsy moron.

She replied to the texts, asserting that she didn't want to build up any more debt (which she might if pranking Tamaki), and that if Kyoya wanted her to cosplay he would, as usual, have to pay for the costume.

Tamaki got a single smiley face in return. At least Haruhi wouldn't have to own up to not understanding the lovable idiot.

* * *

Hikaru and Kaoru had both assumed that Haruhi would turn down their pranking request. It was just as well that Tamaki, knowing that the top floor of the building was only accessible to those with a floor-specific key for the elevator, left his door unlocked at night.

They carefully balanced a bucket of water on the top of Tamaki's half-open bedroom door. Not the most original prank of all time, but sometimes you just had to go with the classics.

They carefully concealed themselves behind Tamaki's sofa.

"3…" started Hikaru upon hearing Tamaki's alarm.

"2…" Kaoru turned on his camera and started recording.

"1…" They heard shuffling at the other side of the door.

"Now!" The door was pushed open properly and the bucket fell, landing comically over Tamaki's eyes. Water dripped down and pooled in a puddle on the floor as the twins cackled and Tamaki shrieked.

"Kaoru! Hikaru!" said Tamaki, lifting he bucket so that he could see, "You two idiots! You complete…" his voice faded as the twins ran out of Tamaki's apartment and into their own, Kaoru's camera in tow, and slammed and locked their front door behind them.

In under a second, Tamaki's indecipherable babbling came streaming through the closed door, accompanied by some furious knocking. It faded after about thirty seconds; no doubt Tamaki had gone to plot his revenge.

The twins chuckled and went to get themselves breakfast.

* * *

As a matter of fact, Tamaki wasn't plotting revenge. He too was taking advantage of one of the four unlocked doors on their floor and burst into Kyoya's apartment.

"Kyoya!" he yelled, knocking on Kyoya's bedroom door. No response could be heard.

"Kyoya?" he opened the door.

Kyoya made a mental note to never, ever allow Tamaki into his apartment again. He tried to forget that he'd made similar resolutions before.

"What is it, Tamaki?" Kyoya muttered from the confines of his bed.

"The twins keep… pranking me!"

Kyoya drew his sheets up more. "Is this really the time? It's…"

"And they probably even tried to get _Haruhi_ involved! The nerve of those…"

Kyoya gave up and sat up. He glared at Tamaki with all the fury he could muster. Considering the time, that was rather a lot. He coughed loudly.

"Er… Kyoya?"

"Tamaki… get out."

Tamaki edged out of the room and carefully closed the door behind him.

Kyoya fell back into bed only to hear his alarm go off. Actually, it might be better to arrange to have someone wake him up for school; it was much more satisfying glaring at a person than at an alarm clock.

* * *

Honey stumbled into the kitchen, dragging usa-chan behind him, and sleepily poured himself a glass of milk. Mori was already awake, quietly reading a book on the couch. He knew better than to try and talk to his little cousin this early in the morning.

Mori turned the page, saw the beginning of a new chapter and put the book down.

He went looking for his school bag, leaving Honey to his bowl of cereal.

Today was going to be interesting, based on the flood of texts he'd received that morning.

* * *

Claude tried desperately to ignore the tenants of the building he managed as they left through the reception hall. He couldn't help but hear snippets of conversation as they left.

"Jaden, I swear to god, if you wake me up for _card game training_ one more time…"

"Honestly Marik, you really are a complete and total wanker…"

"Kaoru! Hikaru! I'll get you for that prank, you…"

"Tamaki-senpai, wait, they were probably just…"

"Now Ciel, do call when you wish to be picked up. I, unfortunately, will be spending the day training the restaurant's new… recruit…"

Despite only personally knowing the owner of the last voice, Claude believed that he had had enough experience of his tenants to have the right to despise all of them. Hopefully, the lot of them would stay out of their apartments for long enough today to give him a much-needed break.

* * *

Author's Note; Basically, I wanted to experiment with a gigantic anime crossover, and after maybe six minutes realised that was impossible if I kept up with each show's canon. It quickly became an overly-complicated AU. So, I have no idea what I'm doing here. _No idea._ This story will have a chapter-by-chapter plot, but it is in essence an AU crack fic, so try not to expect a whole heap of overarching plot.

This is also going to contain, depending on how well I can write them; Naruto, Avatar the Last Airbender, Fullmetal Alchemist (manga/Brotherhood, that is, though in this context it makes minimal difference), Death Note and a whole tonne of Hetalia.

If anyone has any chapter suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Also a different title. This one's just... well, odd.


End file.
